Nursing Moms Need Support, Too

by Barbara L. Behrmann, Ph.D.

(c) 2003

The laundry is piling up, you have no idea what to make for dinner, and your baby wants to be nursed for what seems like 27 times a day.  Your friends without children don’t understand why you are so tired, and your mother-in-law is pressuring you to wean so she can have the baby overnight.  Meanwhile, your boss wants to know when you are coming back to work.  No one seems to understand your yo-yo emotions. 

Although all new mothers face challenges, you may feel especially misunderstood and alone if you are breastfeeding.  “Almost everyone I know thinks breastfeeding is gross,” says Patti, a mother of three in northern California.  “My mom doesn’t even like to hear the word breast.”

“Breastfeeding is not the norm,” adds Nancy, a pharmacist and mother of one in Colorado. “I think it’s hard to continue without support.” 

Help with a Newborn

Fortunately, many sources of support are available, starting with professional and para-professional help.  This is the kind of support you might need the most during the early days of nursing when you and your baby are just figuring everything out.  For many women, this means the difference between breast and bottle, between developing a satisfying nursing relationship and weaning in frustration and defeat.

The most highly trained breastfeeding professionals with the most clinical expertise are lactation consultants.  Look for the credential of IBCLC, International Board-Certified Lactation Consultant.  This is the only official title for breastfeeding professionals.  IBCLCs must have several thousand hours of working with nursing mothers before then taking an international exam.  They must also complete a number of related educational credits. Contact www.ilca.org  or call 919-861-5577.

Certified lactation counselors undertake an intensive 40 hour course and may also be a good source of help.   They may be part of the hospital nursing staff, work in a doctor’s office, or may even own or manage a breastfeeding supply store.  If you are struggling with an easily overcome problem, this might be all the help you need.  But remember that the difference between a lactation consultant and a lactation counselor is akin to the difference between a physician and a paramedic.  Both offer valuable services but offer different levels of expertise.  Hospitals and other healthcare facilities, however, don’t always make careful distinctions in the services they provide.  The risk, of course, is that you may think you’ve gotten as much help as possible and give up if your problems continue, without realizing there are people with more knowledge and experience who could have helped you

Many communities around the country also have breastfeeding peer counselors through the WIC program (Women, Infants and Children, a federally funded supplemental nutritional program for families who meet income eligibility requirements).  For more information on this program and to find the closest WIC agency in your community, contact the National WIC Association at 1-866-WIC-INFO, or  go to www.fns.usda.gov/wic/Contacts/coor.HTM for a state list of WIC Nutrition and Breastfeeding Coordinators.  The African-American Breastfeeding Alliance, Inc.  (AABA) also offers peer counselors and support at www.aabaonline.com

Doulas are another source of help and support.  The Greek word “doula” (pronounced DOO-la) literally means “woman who serves.”  Today the word is used to mean a person who “mothers the mother.”  There are birth doulas, who offer help during labor and delivery, and post-partum doulas, who help after the birth, not just with breastfeeding, but with all kinds of issues. 

For women who face unexpected breastfeeding challenges, a doula can be a godsend. “Without her help,” one mother said, “I could easily see how I could have slipped into postpartum depression.”   Two excellent organizations to help you find a doula near you are DONA (Doulas of North America at www.dona.com and CAPPA (Childbirth and Postpartum Professional Association) at http://www.cappa.net/.

Voices in the Wilderness

Even without specific nursing problem, mothers still need support.  In an ideal world you could turn to family, friends, and neighbors, but this isn’t always the case.  To find kindred spirits, you sometimes have to look for them.  Support groups, such as La Leche League, an internationally recognized authority on breastfeeding with over 3000 groups in more than 60 countries, offer a wonderful opportunity to meet other nursing mothers (www.lalecheleague.org  or 847-519-7730.)  Many communities around the country have local chapters and offer free, regularly scheduled meetings. 

One woman, for example, had a nine month-old and nursing was just fine.  But she had recently moved and exchanged a professional career for stay-at-home motherhood.  It was only after she found La Leche League that she felt her life as a mother began.  “They were wonderful women,” she says, “warm and welcoming, and they became my friends. They were there, they gave me a voice, they were my lifeline. And I am eternally grateful.”

Hospitals, birth centers, and other community organizations may also offer breastfeeding support groups.  A few local phone calls should help you tap into local resources.  You can also see if there is a support group of attachment parents in your area.  If not, consider starting one.  (www.attchmentparenting.org).   Your library or other local organizations may also know of play groups or support groups where you could meet like-minded mothers.

Even if you are too tired to make a meeting or a group’s schedule doesn’t fit with yours, don’t despair.  The Internet has become a godsend, offering new mothers mutual support without having to leave the comfort of home. Where else can you find sympathy at 2:00 in the morning?  Chat rooms, breastfeeding forums, and list-serves are found among the thousands of sites devoted to breastfeeding and parenting.

If you don’t have the time or inclination to connect with other mothers in person or on-line, simply reading or hearing about other women’s breastfeeding experiences can make a big difference.  As Jennifer, a new mother said, “My friends hadn’t told me their nursing troubles because they said if I knew how hard it could be sometimes, I’d never have tried.  Yet more stories would have kept me from feeling so alone in my journey.” 

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Barbara L. Behrmann, Ph.D. is a writer, researcher, and author of The Breastfeeding Café: Mothers Share the Joys, Secrets & Challenges of Nursing, University of Michigan Press, 2005. She is a frequent speaker around the country and is available for talks, readings, and conducting birthing and breastfeeding writing circles. The mother of two formerly breastfed children, Barbara lives in upstate New York.