|
The
Breastfeeding Cafe: Mothers Share the
Joys, Challenges, & Secrets of Nursing
by
Barbara L. Behrmann,
All
text on this page (c) 2005
From Chapter
2: Welcome to Motherhood
Many
women who happily nurse for months, if not years, find
that the glow of early motherhood is merely a reflection
of the night light, burning at 3:00 a.m., as we
frantically try to figure out what the hell we are doing
wrong. While a certain degree of insecurity and angst is
to be expected, however, some of us endure far more.
Sore nipples, engorgement, nipple-confused babies, and
seemingly not enough milk are all common hurdles that
with proper support from the beginning could be easily
ameliorated, if not prevented.
Along with the impact of birthing practices on
breastfeeding, women are often encouraged to breastfeed
while applying the principles of bottle-feeding. We may
be told, for example, to restrict the number of
feedings, feed for short periods of time, encourage
night-time weaning, and offer supplemental bottles of
formula. Such advice may create a chain reaction of
difficulties. Consider how the common problem of
insufficient milk typically develops, for example. The
more milk a baby removes from the breast, the more milk
a woman produces. When we attempt to nurse at specified
intervals, for shorter durations, or offer supplemental
bottles of formula, babies suckle less so our breasts
produce less milk. Our babies then become hungry and we
conclude that we don’t have enough milk. Voila!
“Insufficient Milk Syndrome,” a major reason for
premature weaning. As lactation consultant Marsha
Walker, IBCLC, explains, “Most of it comes from poor
breastfeeding management from the start and a poor
understanding of a breastfeeding baby’s behavior.”
Of
course, not all women experience these problems, or
breastfeeding rates would be even lower than they are
now. But the prevalence with which situations like these
occur speaks to the degree to which medical
mismanagement of breastfeeding contributes to the
cultural context of new motherhood. In cultures where
breastfeeding is still the norm and one only has to look
to one’s mother, sister, or neighbor for advice, women
may be less vulnerable to medical opinions. In the U.S.,
though, too many of us lack this personal connection to
other breastfeeding mothers. And where bottle-feeding
remains the norm and the focus is on the birth of a
baby and not on the birth of a mother, we are
often left on our own to wander through the wilderness
of new motherhood.
|
"When my first
son was born I was young, naďve, and totally
uneducated on motherhood. Many nights I cried,
trying to get him to nurse, but to no avail. I
tried to pump but I had no idea that battery
operated, store pumps hurt so much. It felt
like my nipple was being ripped off. When I
look back now, I can’t believe that the hospital
didn’t provide lactation consultants because had
there been somebody to follow-up with me, to
help me with the problems that I was
experiencing, my attempt at nursing could have
been so different." |
"I had
wanted to breastfeed exclusively, but my
pediatrician had told me that it was no problem
to supplement through the night or when I felt I
needed a break. I feel that a lot of my
breastfeeding experience and the problems I had
were directly related to her advice - I had no
idea what supplementing would do to my supply. "
Laura
 |
“It continues to amaze me that the NICU
(neo-natal intensive care unit) that was so pro
breastmilk was so unsympathetic and uninterested
in doing things to help promote breastfeeding.
The breastfeeding mothers got in the way of the
nurses.” Emma
"I know so many mothers who don't have anyone to
turn to. But my sister-in-law and I have
each other and a mother who understands.
There was no question about whether it
would be done or how it would be done and
there was always someone to turn to for support
and understanding." Teal |
|
From
Chapter 4: Becoming Wiser
In her book Woman to Mother: A
Transformation, author Vangie Bergum
describes the “inner journeys” women undergo as
we move through pregnancy and childbirth. It is
through this process, Bergum asserts, that we
transform ourselves into mothers. We become
“caught by life.”
That is, we don’t necessarily make deliberate,
rational choices ahead of time, but the sudden
presence of our child causes us to think in ways
we can’t understand until we are actually the
mother of that child. Seldom do we realize the
depth and extent to which having a child changes
our priorities and way of thinking.
This is certainly true when it comes to
breastfeeding. I vividly remember the first time
I saw a woman nurse a child of about three
years. I was in graduate school and knew as much
about babies and child-rearing as I did about
performing heart surgery. As this woman put her
articulate child to her breast, I turned to my
husband and whispered with disgust, “I will
never, nurse a child who can ask for it in
words!
Years later, after my older daughter had gone
from a babe-in-arms to an active, verbal
toddler, I remembered this moment with chagrin.
I had never counted on having my own little one
who could not only tell me which breast she
preferred, but who practically chanted mantras
in honor of them. “Nummy, nummy, num, num, nummy,
nummy, nummy,” she would sing, pointing her
chubby index finger first to one exposed breast,
then to the other and back again.
My experience was not unique. Women repeatedly
talk about how nursing challenges their
expectations and assumptions. This is
particularly true regarding two aspects of
breastfeeding: why we nurse and how
long we’ll nurse. Despite our initial plans,
many of us discover that we can’t come up with a
good reason to stop. But we receive little
cultural support. |
|
"I discovered
that you can use breastmilk for everything. A
mild case of diaper rash? Breastmilk. Pink
eye? Breastmilk. It was amazing. I like that
I can nurture my children in a way that no one
else can." Danielle
 |
One of the
delights of nursing Grace is hearing her tell me
how much it means to her. When she hurts
herself, then says, “ Nanny please. Make it
feel better”. The other day, after nursing for
an unusually long time, she finally let go with
an immensely satisfied look on her face and said
sincerely, “Thank you very much, Mommy.” If my
breasts had all the power she thinks they do,
there wouldn’t be any problems in the world I
couldn’t solve with them! Ida |
My daughter knows
we are planning to have a new baby someday soon.
The other day, she bent over, kissed my nipple
and said, “I put enough love in here to last for
the baby when it nurses.” Why is it that
children instinctively know what nursing is all
about? And how did society get so far removed
from the simple idea of nurturing and love?
Michelle |
|
From
Chapter 8: Finding Strength
When women do experience the empowering aspects
of breastfeeding, the energy released is
palpable. What can be more empowering, at the
most basic level, than to be able to produce
food from one’s own body? I can’t count the
number of women who talked about how healthy
their babies are, the awe they feel in watching
their babies become chubby from their own milk,
the feeling of intimacy and connectedness they
hadn’t experienced before, neither as a child
nor with their bottle-fed children.
To have this experience when the odds are so
often stacked against us can become the basis
for creating positive changes in our lives…. |
|
“Breastfeeding
has been the most empowering experience of my
life. It was the first part of the reproductive
process that had gone the way it was supposed to
and it has given me faith in the strength and
capability of my body. I discovered how strong
and capable I truly am.” Laura
|
Being a single,
working mom makes me value the nursing
relationship so much! Even if Jade and I are on
different pages after a day of being apart,
nursing is a happy, pleasurable way to bring us
back together. It makes me feel like a
wonderful and strong provider. I feel confident
and proud of my body, having given birth and
successfully sustaining such a bright and
healthy kid with my itty bitty breasts! I made
her body grow with my milk. That’s
amazing to me! I always anticipated that
motherhood would be a great experience, but I
didn’t anticipate loving myself so much more
because of it. Diana |
Of course, I
could talk about the health advantages of
breastfeeding or about the convenience and
economy of it. But these things are only icing
on the cake. To tell the truth, I participated
in breastfeeding for what it offered me.
When I was breastfeeding, I felt so empowered
that I could provide this physical and spiritual
nourishment for my daughter. It was something
that I, alone, could do for her. I felt so
precious and close to her. Breastfeeding has
also given me greater confidence. I feel more
connected to my body and its functions and I’m
more appreciative and in awe of the whole
reproductive miracle. Renee
|
|
