Julie's Story: A Circle of Moms
The 10th step of the
Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative is to “Foster the establishment of
breastfeeding support groups and refer mothers to them on discharge from the
hospital or clinic.” Julie’s story speaks to the impact such a group can
have on women’s nursing experience and sense of well-being.
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Early on I went to a La
Leche League meeting. I enjoyed it and it was helpful, but there were other
things I wanted to discuss besides breastfeeding. My doula and her partner
organized a six week series of new mom/new baby circles. We met once a week
for about two hours to talk about breastfeeding, our parenting, whether or
not to go back to work, our mothers, our husbands, how our relationships
were changing, etc. We enjoyed each other so much that they started a
continuing mom’s circle for people who had gone through the first session.
There are about sixty of us. We’re all on an E-mail group and usually
between ten and twenty women are able to come to the meetings at any one
time. It’s wonderful! The babies range in age from four to twenty
months-old, they play together, women breastfeed, and there’s nothing
shocking about any of it.
Nursing definitely has its ups and downs. The connection with my son brings
tears to my eyes, but sometimes the physical contact is too much. Nursing
is constantly giving, all the time. Connor has nursed pretty much every two
to four hours his entire fifteen months and definitely more at night.
Sometimes it’s wonderful but I don’t think I realized how intense some days
would be. And those are usually the days he needs it more.
My
support group has a number of women who breastfeed and parent the same way I
do. We use the phrase, “touched out,” the feeling of just not wanting to
have skin to skin contact. I almost feel that my body becomes antsy, sort
of twitchy; as if I want to nurse for five minutes and get over it. This
happens when I haven’t had much alone time for myself. And my son seems to
realize that I want to pull away, so he wants more of me. When I
start feeling like this, I know I need a break. He’ll take a walk with his
dad and I can take a nap, a bath, or do something by myself, even something
simple like going to the grocery store. Or I’ll go to a meeting with these
mothers or call one of them to have lunch, and make myself balanced again.
My
mother’s group is a wonderful resource to say, “I can’t take it anymore!”
and they all understand. A lot of more mainstream mothers just look at me
and say, “Wow! You’re still doing that? When are you going to wean?”
But
I can’t imagine weaning my son now. I can’t imaging being able to comfort
him so quickly without nursing. Connor, at fifteen-months, still needs it
so much and so do I. I don’t know if I can put it into words. Maybe I’m
not ready to separate from him in that way. It’s just this intense feeling
that even in the really hard days, there’s no way I could give it up just
yet. I feel that he’s going to be an incredible kid and adult because his
needs are always met. And a lot of that comes from nursing.
Julie Speiser, Leona, NJ
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